Musical Obsessions

For the sake of my sloth and sanity (and to cut down how long the average post is), the failed "10 Songs Per Month" format has now been cut down to "A Song Whenever I Can't Stop Listening To It." So here we begin with a personal favourite through all of time.

Something In The Way/ Endless, Nameless (Nirvana, Nevermind, 1991)

While Nirvana remains on the highest pedestal of 90's music (arguably because of Cobain's suicide), people underrate the closing track of Nirvana's often overrated behemoth, Nevermind.

So candid. So understated. I love trying to make up conspiracy theories, and in this particular theory, I tried finding all the suicide foreshadowing in Nevermind. It's not true, but it's fun to look for. After all, Kurt Cobain used to brag about having "suicide genes" while he was still in middle school. While at first, Kurt denies any problems ('Our little group has always been and always will until the end... A denial' ... 'No, I don't have a gun'... 'I'm not gonna crack'...), this song begins to unravel his denial. Okay, he thinks he'll last forever [he arguably has], he's in denial, he's not cracking, he doesn't have a gun... but there's something else. Something else in the way. Something keeping him from showing what's going on inside. Something obviously creating an ache inside of him, but it's one of those aches that emerges as something heartbreakingly beautiful, as opposed to some horrid ugly thing.

Something In The Way shows what I love about Kurt Cobain. Yes, he screams his face off when he wants, but he understands that not all pains call for screaming. Some call for subtlety, to explore every nuance. The silence creates a stark contrast that emphasizes the hurt, which somehow engulfs the listener as much as the screaming of hidden track Endless, Nameless.

As a reward for sitting through 11 minutes of silence, Endless, Nameless brings back the fuzz and fury of Nirvana's 1989 debut Bleach in an album that many complain sounds over-produced. I remember playing this song for my mother (who introduced me to Nirvana when I was 3 by putting Lithium on her car's mixtape. The fact that I listened to Nirvana at 3 explains quite a lot about me) and having her ask me "What exactly was that?" once the song ended. Parental disapproval or confusion is perhaps one of the most promising signs of good music to a rebellious teenager. Endless, Nameless is how you would expect people to act at early Nirvana shows; it throws itself against everyone, screaming and hollering its lungs out, and leaves everyone around it as a bloody pulp.

Spiritual Intercourse at the Culture Room

(I realize I didn't keep my promises of doing a monthly update. I've been busy with summer jobs, school, sloth, and getting my heart stepped on. Most sincere apologies to all 2 people who got excited about this project. In the meantime, a concert review I was sitting on for quite a while.)

Event: Otep at The Culture Room, July 10, 2010



Otep likes using the term "spiritual intercourse" to describe her concerts, and no term could possibly be a better fit. Every aspect of the show brings the audience together as a family of people slamming faces together.

The 3 bands listed originally as the opening acts (iwrestledabearonce, Bury Tomorrow and Stray From the Path) didn't appear at the Culture Room (there were rumors of an arrest in Augusta from one of the bands). Instead, the opening act was a local group named Saq.

As in balls.

That is seriously how the singer introduced his band. They were rowdy and enjoyable (the singer looked like a thinned out Dimebag Darrell and sang a bit like Fernando Ribeiro of Moonspell), and gave a rousing cover of Metallica's Frayed Ends of Sanity. Most people just stood there, and the only people who really danced or moshed were the guitarist's family, who stood right next to me, and myself, out of courtesy (mostly during Frayed Ends of Sanity).

At around 10:30, Otep and her mancrew marched on stage. Otep, glowing in a "Save Me From BP" sleeveless shirt, walked up to her small pedestal and engaged the crowd in her typical surreal Otepisms before beginning the spectacular massacre. After each song, Otep would go to a special area near the drummer, put on a mask or grab a prop, and entertain the audience briefly before moving onto the new song. Her arsenal of props included devil horns, a plasticky-made-up face, a red bandana, a small top hat, a black plastic miniature baseball bat, and some sort of freakish fishnet mask. Evil J and Robert Patterson stayed unmasked for most of the show, but at certain points donned devil masks and Guy Fawkes masks. One of her monologues included 3 rules of Fight Club (unfortunately breaking the first two rules of Fight Club, which are simply "You do not talk about Fight Club."), before demanding we must fight during Confrontation.

When I started listening to Otep, my dad assumed and eventually insisted most of her growls were vocal effects. I had read stories about her vocal surgeries to defeat her arch-enemy "Jackson Polyp" (or was it Sarah Palin who was her arch-enemy?), and her speaking voice shows signs of wear, but beholding her mighty roar in person only confirmed that every growl, every scream, every cry for rebellion, every single word flowing forth is completely authentic. My throat was eroding just from listening to her. Or maybe it was because I was, like everyone else in the venue, screaming faithfully along with her. Otep skillfully uses her traumatic past as a catalyst for her lyrics, offering a sense of belonging to others with a similar past or a passion for self-expression and free thought.

Evil J, I'm pleased to report, was a very pleasant and friendly man, as I was honored to go behind the tourbus and... shake his hand. If it means anything, he has a very firm handshake and looked me in the eyes as I talked, and he even noted that he saw me rocking out in the front throughout the whole concert. To notice one silly little fan making a fool of herself in front of her Sapphic metal idol really shows Evil J's appreciation for his fans. Metal these days is disgustingly ego-crazed, so people like Evil J restore my faith in metal and in humanity. I wanted to take a picture with him, but unfortunately, he had to rush into the bus to put things away. Despite the scary faces he makes onstage, he was an absolutely wonderful person, and I regret not pulling out my camera sooner or having more time to talk with him.

Overall, Otep's spectacular massacre was a mind-shattering event played out by a fantastic group for strays and misfits all around, looking for a reason to fight on and stay true. The best reason is Otep.

A friend I made at the venue happened to procure the setlist (by nagging the security until they relented), and the "Spiritual Intercourse & Body Bruising List" was as follows:

Battle Ready
Sacrilege
Rise, Rebel, Resist
Blood Pigs
T.R.I.C.
Ghostflowers
My Confession
Crooked Spoons
Head
Smash the Control Machine
Encore: Breed

My Obsessions (May 2010)

As often as I can (Hopefully monthly), I'm making a playlist of 10 songs that I've been repeating over the past month. I hope that it will not only expose people to new artists (or lesser-known songs from classic artists), but it'll expose how I've been feeling through the month. In an attempt to create diversity, each artist will have only one song featured per month, but honorable mentions are given if the artist is that amazing.

1. 4th of July (Soundgarden, Superunknown, 1991) ~ Known for abstract lyrics in Black Hole Sun and Spoonman, Superunknown actually features some amazing yet underrated tracks that smack the absurdity out of the better-known tracks. 4th of July begins with a riff so beautifully distorted that it would make Tony Iommi cry. The down-tuned riff feels so chunky, thick and suffocating, it perfectly matches the lyrics of a cold, early morning apocalypse. I also think comparing the massive explosions to the 4th of July's signature fireworks was pretty witty, for a song written while singer Chris Cornell was blasted out of his face on acid. But even the morbid lyrics and heaviness of the song can't stop it from creeping at an almost sexual pace. Though not exactly a Nine Inch Nails level of sexual, this is a song to have sex to- or with. If the creeping thump of the music doesn't get you randy, Cornell's hypnotic voice will.

Honorable Mention: Tighter and Tighter (Down on the Upside, 1996): While 4th of July is slow, kinky, seductive sex, Tighter and Tighter is tender musical lovemaking, "one last hit before I'm banned from this." Think a vaguer, less haunting Grace.1

2. Sleep Alone (Bat for Lashes, Two Suns, 2009) ~ Natasha Khan, the girl behind Bat for Lashes, is my newest British obsession, armed with romantic whimsy and a lush, soothing voice to die for. Her thick accent shines through in all of her songs, especially this sweet tune where she declares how she "can't stand to sleep alone/ No sweetheart in the dark to call my own." All of her videos feature a sort of dark fantasy beauty, either defeating villains to fly into the sun, dancing with shadow people on stage, or riding bikes with masked riders past a car crash. This video, featuring Khan's attempt to literally create a lover, not only expresses the depth of her ache for someone special, but also her adorably fanciful fashion-sense. Let me state for the record how amazing the wolf-pants are. But her tender wishing and charming voice will surely bring her the lover she wants, along with great success in the future.

Honorable Mention: Daniel (Two Suns, 2009): While another example of the warmth in Khan's voice, this song makes me giggle for the sole reason that one of my very good friends (who I liked for quite a while) is named Daniel.

3. Young Bridge (Land of Talk, Some Are Lakes, 2008) ~ Land of Talk, another indie band from Quebec, seems love chastising people for clinging to the gender roles of the subservient, sexually submissive female and the dominant man who sleeps with anyone he pleases. In this song, singer Elizabeth Powell acts as a woman foretelling her date rape by her seemingly charming boyfriend, a "street angel, house devil." He tries to get her drunk, but she's still thinking much too clearly to submit. Though part of it feels right to her, she blasts him for his need to sexually dominate at her expense, repeating, "There's no light underneath you!" Finally, with Land of Talk comes a Canadian band able to articulate their thoughts on sex without sounding vulgar and boneheaded (This is the part where I stare condescendingly at Nickelback). Powell has a true gift for writing about sexuality with subtlety, and I hope to hear more from her in the future.
Honorable Mention: It's Okay (Some Are Lakes, 2008): A mournful song about the end of a love and the desire to run away from the memories, what I love the most is the black-and-white music video, which draws influences from Native tribes in Quebec. And features hair that would make the 80's glam bands cry.

4. Ursa Minor (At the Drive-In, Vaya, 1999) ~ It starts with an alluringly seductive groove, almost an alternative rock dance tune with Spanish influence. Not even moshing, legit dancing. However, Cedric Bixler-Zavala warns you to stop dancing and "prepare your sleep apparatus," because "while you sleep, they will come and get you tonight!" I always picture two friends trying to run away together in a desperate attempt to keep their innocence. Ursa Minor feels bittersweet, with a positive musical feel yet a final grasp for control in the lyrics. Even if Bixler-Zavala notoriously writes some of the most confusingly worded lyrics ever. Bixler-Zavala once claimed he writes the lyrics only to match the vocal harmony, and keeping this in mind, the singing feels right mixing with the instruments. The lyrics even match the vocal harmony, if examined closely enough, combining an inner fear with an unquenchable sense of optimism and a yearning for a new beginning.
Honorable Mention: Rolodex Propaganda (Relationship of Command, 2001): Because yelling "Manuscript replica!" along with Iggy Pop (THE Iggy Pop) is really fucking fun.

5. More or Less (Screaming Trees, Sweet Oblivion, 1992) ~ Mark Lanegan's sonorous, whiskey-soaked voice is a gift from God. Seriously. No matter how many of these obsession lists I do, I will never get over how amazing Mark Lanegan's voice is. As for the song as a whole, the psychedelically emotional solos truly conjure up the image of "Sweet Oblivion," aided by Lanegan's subtly mournful lyrics of suicide after a failed relationship. It's just a bit grungy, just a bit bluesy, with a fuck of a lot of power from Gary Lee Conner. The song wonderfully shows off Lanegan's abilities (the ability to drink just enough to sound amazing, but not enough to rot your liver), and pushes you into that same deep river Lanegan mentions in the pre-chorus (sung in probably the most beautiful manner possible). The true tragedy is not Lanegan's descent to "Sweet Oblivion," but that Screaming Trees did not get the appreciation they deserved during the grunge era.
Honorable Mention: Winter Song (Sweet Oblivion, 1992): Forget what your Pitchfork hipsters tell you; THIS is the best song to mention Jesus in the very first line. So what if Jeff Mangum is the King of Carrot Flowers?2 Mark Lanegan is the King of Godly Voices.

6. At the Bottom (Brand New, Daisy, 2009) ~ Starting out as a pop-punk band playing only 10 minutes north of where I was born, Long Island natives Brand New have gracefully matured into an alternative rock wonder, appealing to those who aren't maturing as gracefully as their sound. The themes of insecurity and self-conflict continue in their fourth album, Daisy, and leak all over their lead single, "At the Bottom." Jesse Lacey's voice sounds just as insecure as his poetry, as he wonders what has brought him to this point of isolation and self-hatred. The chorus, addictive as it seems, feels like he's falling on his knees, screaming and pleading for the help of the listener. The lyrics range from self-effacing ("If I wanted to die before I got old/ I should've started some years ago digging that hole"), to uncomfortably witty ("A deer/ that a hunter shot in the heart/ Some dogs that got hit by cars/ all came to spill their guts"), to contemplative ("Some men die under the mountain just looking for gold/ Some die looking for a hand to hold"), and create a perfect song for someone at the bottom.
Honorable Mention: The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot (Déjà Entendu, 2003): Strictly because I want someone to show these lyrics to my ex-girlfriend, so she'll know how I've been doing, since she's been too busy to ask me herself. (And because all 3 of us [Lacey, my ex, and myself] are guilty of getting very passive-aggressive.)

7. You Wouldn't Like Me (Tegan and Sara, So Jealous, 2004) ~ I was at first hesitant to listen to these indie-darling twins from Canada, mainly because they seemed to be in the stereotypical lesbian/bisexual's iPod. However, when I finally listened to them, I found the lyrics perfectly capture the emotional roller coaster of the young lesbian/bisexual (or a love-seeking teenager of any gender/ orientation, for that matter), and the catchy harmonies kept me hooked. Almost At the Bottom for those with a more subtle anguish, You Wouldn't like Me is a song of nervous hand wringing and lip biting. Their sweet voices match the delicate steps they take to patch up a crumbling friendship. However, they manage to pick up the pieces and offer their ultimatum, unwilling to sit in their self-pity for one more song. Tegan and Sara have a gift for writing simple, sweet, easily enjoyable songs, and if you think you wouldn't like them, guess what? You will.

8. Red Light (U2, War, 1983) ~ Although dismissed as "straining... for a sophisticated New York melting-pop groove"3, this underrated track popped my poor monstrous heart seams. Starting with thumping drums and backing female vocals from the Coconuts4, the song creates a nervous suspense before launching into typical U2 glitz and power. Eventually, the Coconuts surround Bono with more menace than before, but he stands his vocal ground. Bono's voice just oozes a love he's too eager to share, and the guitars and trumpet meld together to create an atmosphere of flashing red lights implied in the title. U2 may have become [arguably] the most powerful alternative act on Earth, and with bands this powerful, it becomes hard to remember why people love them so much. Anyone doubting U2's power simply needs to listen to War and reminisce about a time before their world domination and efforts in combating poverty and AIDS overshadowed their honesty and talent.

9. Fields of Coal (...And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead, The Century of Self, 2009) ~ An anthemic masterpiece highlighting ...Trail of Dead's new-found maturity, Fields of Coal brings ...Trail of Dead well past the days of their "perfect teenhoods5." Conrad Keely paints a series of dreams about running away, encountering the most bizarre of roadblocks, including prophets, knights, schoolmasters, sun aliens, and even his own doubts over running away. The keyboards and drums whip up enough power to lift you up so you can follow Keely as he tries to escape the unreal expectations around him, until he eventually crashes into the sun, doomed to perform forever. They also create the idea of the chaos caused by his determination to run away, and how many things can deteriorate from simply choosing to defy fate. By the final choral harmony, everything in life feels wonderful, even if all control is lost.
Honorable Mention: Relative Ways/After the Laughter (Source Codes & Tags, 2002): A beautiful set of tracks meant to be listened to like Brain Damage and Eclipse6. All though the two are not the cadential combination, they provide a beautiful transition to the title-track finale, thanks to the lovely instrumentation in After the Laughter. While Relative Ways sets up the main melody and creates an enormous high, After the Laughter carries the melody with a slow, creeping piano with uncomfortable sound effects, eventually blossoming into a beautiful piece completed with backing vocals and violins.

10. Brown Eyes (Lady GaGa, The Fame, 2008) ~ When Lady GayGay (as I affectionately call her) first came out, I was hesitant to buy into "this new Top 40 trend." Sure, Poker Face was catchy, but so is herpes. Eventually, I found this track, and I became a little monster instantly (As seen in the reference in my description of Red Light). While her other songs are more electronic influenced and pertain to the joys of life and luxury, her musings of the monstrous side of fame already emerge in Brown Eyes, a simple piano-driven piece about a failed love. At first unable to come to grips, hoping for a second chance "if only we were older," GaGa eventually decides to move on, throwing her brown-eyed beau out with no remorse. The song covers GaGa's transition from sinking in despair and denial to revealing a rejuvenated, reinvented "free bitch." Although she dismisses it as "a silly song," Brown Eyes becomes seriously personal to anyone lost in love or fame.
Honorable Mention: Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say) (The Fame, 2008) ~ While not Lady GaGa's strongest track, this song stands out as her most adorable. The video is also a reminder of how even before Lady GaGa became an avant-garde caricature of pop culture, she started out as an Italian-American NYC sweetheart, which she'll always be to me.

What I'm Inferring From My Selection: I feel out of control, and need something violent, intense, or generally adventurous to make me forget my ex, whom I still haven't gotten over.

1. Jeff Buckley's God-tier classic from 1994, also the title of his most popular album.
2. A reference to The King of Carrot Flowers, Part 2 from Neutral Milk Hotel's 1998 In The Aeroplane Over The Sea
3. Liner Notes for War, 25th Anniversary Edition (Niall Stokes, March 2008).
4. As in Kid Creole and the Coconuts.
5. A nod to A Perfect Teenhood, Trail of Dead's fuck-you-licious hit from 1999's Madonna
6. The final two songs on Pink Floyd's 1973 album The Dark Side of the Moon.