Musical Obsessions

For the sake of my sloth and sanity (and to cut down how long the average post is), the failed "10 Songs Per Month" format has now been cut down to "A Song Whenever I Can't Stop Listening To It." So here we begin with a personal favourite through all of time.

Something In The Way/ Endless, Nameless (Nirvana, Nevermind, 1991)

While Nirvana remains on the highest pedestal of 90's music (arguably because of Cobain's suicide), people underrate the closing track of Nirvana's often overrated behemoth, Nevermind.

So candid. So understated. I love trying to make up conspiracy theories, and in this particular theory, I tried finding all the suicide foreshadowing in Nevermind. It's not true, but it's fun to look for. After all, Kurt Cobain used to brag about having "suicide genes" while he was still in middle school. While at first, Kurt denies any problems ('Our little group has always been and always will until the end... A denial' ... 'No, I don't have a gun'... 'I'm not gonna crack'...), this song begins to unravel his denial. Okay, he thinks he'll last forever [he arguably has], he's in denial, he's not cracking, he doesn't have a gun... but there's something else. Something else in the way. Something keeping him from showing what's going on inside. Something obviously creating an ache inside of him, but it's one of those aches that emerges as something heartbreakingly beautiful, as opposed to some horrid ugly thing.

Something In The Way shows what I love about Kurt Cobain. Yes, he screams his face off when he wants, but he understands that not all pains call for screaming. Some call for subtlety, to explore every nuance. The silence creates a stark contrast that emphasizes the hurt, which somehow engulfs the listener as much as the screaming of hidden track Endless, Nameless.

As a reward for sitting through 11 minutes of silence, Endless, Nameless brings back the fuzz and fury of Nirvana's 1989 debut Bleach in an album that many complain sounds over-produced. I remember playing this song for my mother (who introduced me to Nirvana when I was 3 by putting Lithium on her car's mixtape. The fact that I listened to Nirvana at 3 explains quite a lot about me) and having her ask me "What exactly was that?" once the song ended. Parental disapproval or confusion is perhaps one of the most promising signs of good music to a rebellious teenager. Endless, Nameless is how you would expect people to act at early Nirvana shows; it throws itself against everyone, screaming and hollering its lungs out, and leaves everyone around it as a bloody pulp.